Washington, D.C.

In early August Luke and I drove up to DC for a short weekend away. Mapquest claimed 3.5 hours but it took us closer to 4 hours to get there. A bit of bad traffic as we got close but all-in-all a nice drive. We spent a large part of it on my phone finding things from wikipedia to laugh at. We didn’t start running low till about 45 minutes out…

 

It had been a while since I was in DC and I don’t think Luke had ever been. And, we’d been on a major Bones kick so we were ripe with excitement to be in the city. We stayed at the Grand Hyatt because we actually had a nice gift certificate to Hyatt we got by redeeming points from Mastercard. The pictures make it out to be super posh but it was a rather average hotel. It was nice though to have a Starbucks in the lobby. We also learned that the breakfast buffet in their Grand Cafe is freakin’ amazing. Little things changed from day to day during our trip so there was some variety but we could rely on  mainstays like the custom omelet station. We also spent part of an evening at the hotel bar & bistro, Cure, where we enjoyed the most ridiculously delicious lemongrass mojitos that almost made us forget that parking was $40/night.

We did a lot of walking and tried to take in as many sights as possible. It was great timing to visit the Smithsonian because they had an exhibit: The Art of Video Games that was, obviously, of great interest to Luke. While there we also saw, among other things, the presidential exhibit where we were reminded of people like William Harrison and John Tyler who we sometimes forget existed. It was impossible not to notice that George W. Bush has the most casual portrait of them all  – – except for the weird abstract closeup of Bill Clinton’s face that made his nose look like Gerard Depardieu’s. We were surprised that we could not find the portrait of Stephen Colbert, not in the exhibits or even around the restrooms… I guess Colbert hangs out in a different Smithsonian location.

There were some really beautiful statues and stained glass pieces that we saw but did not photograph. There was an installation piece that had the Constitution spelled out in license plates and the plates were alphabetized by state. It was pretty awesome. Luke and I couldn’t help but laugh at the ‘Ode to Trump either.

 

         

  

                

We walked past the White House several times and saw the secret service guys hanging out on the roof. We explored the exhibits at the Library of Congress, walked all around downtown and Chinatown, strolled along the mall (which was under construction), and spent some time sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, along with about 4 million other tourists. As we left the Lincoln Memorial we got a chuckle out of the segway tour in progress (which, by the way, is just so silly I would totally love to do!). We walked past the Federal Reserve, the Vietnam Memorial, the Department of Justice, the J. Edgar Hoover Building, and the attorney general’s office. And we stopped off at the International Spy Museum gift shop. Yes, gift shop. Because once we saw how expensive tickets were to get it we decided we could settle for an abbreviated tour. (And I can say with confidence that if the museum is anything like the gift shop, we didn’t miss much.)

     

                                            

       

I’m such a planner at heart so, of course, I had arrived in the city armed with a list of restaurants, cafes, coffee shops, etc… that would be great to visit while in town. Wouldn’t you know, we didn’t go to a single one of them. Apparently Founding Farmers is so delish’ you need a reservation, like, a month in advance. The food Gods were on our side though because everywhere we ate the food was fantastic. Asian Spice, even though it looked like a cheap strip center chain restaurant from the outside, had a nice atmosphere and great, flavorful food. Brasserie Beck was more expensive and American but not a trip wasted.

         

On our way out of town we stopped by the Arlington National Cemetery where we saw the changing of the guard and the tomb of the unknown soldier. It’s an emotional place for sure. So many gravestones, so many dead in the service of our country. Its a lot to take in and ponder.

   

   

A huge thank you to my mother without whom this trip wouldn’t have happened.

We had a really great time!

flying solo

On Thursday morning I drove Luke to the airport where he was headed west to Milwaukee, Wisconsin for the 26th annual meeting of the society for literature, science, and the arts (SLSA). The 2012  SLSA conference lasts for four days and draws academics from across the country to talk about “nonhuman actants like tools, bodies, networks, animals, climate, media, or biomes”. Duke seems to be represented well too because at least 6 of Luke’s colleagues affiliated with Duke are there with him presenting on various topics. Its also a bit of a reunion for him because a few of our academic acquaintances and mentors from UW are scheduled to speak. I wish I were there!

Today Luke will be giving his presentation “Reality is Expensive: Making a Better Military-Entertainment Complex”. He’s been working on this presentation and accompanying paper for a while now and I imagine its going to be a great talk exploring the overlap of private contractors, military practices, and the commercial entertainment industry and how they “are shaping the world in which we live, fight, and play”.

Meanwhile, life goes on in Durham. Mostly I’ve just been working and cleaning and exercising. The house has been so dirty lately I’m hoping to reign it in and let Luke come home to a nice, clean, welcoming home ’cause that always feels real good. It’s weird not having him around though. I don’t know how people survive long distance relationships. Kuddos to them but truthfully I would go insane.

There are some perks though. I get to sleep in the middle of the bed with the thermostat bumped up to 80. (Just kidding, I never go past 78.) And I can play my epic indie-pop and hip-hop really loud, singing along at the top of my lungs without shame. And if I do a load of laundry I can toss it into the dyer on top of the other load of clothes I never took out of the dryer and there’s no one around to tell me otherwise. Umm… Yeah. Those are pretty much the only perks. Needless to say, it’ll be pretty awesome to have my husband back tomorrow night.

totally baked.

When it comes to cooking, and baking in particular, I do everything like I’m killing snakes. It’s hard to bake just one thing when there are so many things I’ve never made, or made well. So I’ll have these days where that is all I do: bake a pie, bake bread, bake three different kinds of cookies, bake some kind of gooey, delicious, candy-bar… and so on. Fortunately, I managed to get in one last hurrah before Luke took an unexpected gluten-free turn towards good health.

And what did I bake??

The pie was the best, by leaps and bounds. Seriously. No competition. I really surprised myself with this one.

The bread was, eh. Ok. Actually it was quite a success but I just don’t like challah bread that much.

The cookies were good as long as we’re not talking about the snickerdoodles. The others though were fantastic. I got all three recipes from the Back in the Day Cookbook by Cheryl & Griffith Day, who I adore. On the left hand side of the platter is a batch of their ‘chocolate dreams’, the snickerdoodles are on the right, and in the upper right-hand corner are some of the ‘mexican hot chocolate shortbread’ cookies. Oh the mexican shortbreads! They are dangerously wonderful! The chocolate dreams were exactly as described – soft in the middle, slightly crisp on the edges, and very, very rich chocolatey. For me, too chocolatey. But I already know I’m weird in not being a huge chocolate fan.

The PB&J bars were also inspired from Back in the Day. They were okay. Luke and I both felt there was too much jam in the center though. Secretly, I though they were going to be the best but life is always full of surprises.

*And did I mention I’m the best boss ever because who do you think got to enjoy the other 8 dozen cookies not photographed above?? Yeah, I don’t know how to put this but I’m kind of a big deal. People know me.

instagram-in’

*In the interest of full disclosure I should warn you up front that I only signed up for instagram for the benefit of my mother and I photograph for instagram accordingly. She is the only person I know who will have any interest whatsoever in the random, ordinary, mundane, and sometimes plain stupid things I find worthy of digital immortalisation on a whim. As it turns out, she is also the only person I know who cannot manage to install instagram on her apple device. ;) And so, mom, until you find a way to magic a new app, this one’s for you.

Other highlights:

– the man who tried to convince me that skim milk has 0 calories and then got mad at me when I didn’t agree. haha, ok you win. The customer is always right, even when they’re wrong.

– Mac learned that with enough force and patience he could barrel through the locked kitty window. A+, kitty cat.

– a conspiracy may be brewing to silence my vote. Luke and I mailed our voter registration forms together in the same envelope yet somehow only he succeed in actually getting a voter registration card. What happened?

– Skyped with most of Luke’s family. Nephews are getting cuter and cuter but still won’t talk to us.

yes, proposition 37

Surely you’ve heard the argument that with each dollar we spend, we cast a vote for the kind of world we believe in. Anna Lappe gets credit for the quote but I think the idea has surfaced often over the last few decades in various arenas of the public and academic sphere. I take issue with this line of argument in many ways. For one, it is dangerous to confuse voting with shopping. They are not the same thing, nor should they be. But more importantly, it evades the important question of what is placed on the ballot in the first place.

To be clear I believe there is a place for ethical consumerism and that choosing more carefully where we spend our money can effect some degree of change. Buying local or buying green products helps to slowly expand the market for these kinds of items and perpetuates the values they derive from. Certainly boycotting a particular brand or product can similarly help to shrink a market and encourage alternatives. However,  we cannot shop our way to better, more sustainable regulation and legislative action. Spending every Saturday morning at the farmer’s market doesn’t do enough to demand a change in factory farming practices. Outfitting your roof with solar panels, while a fantastic demonstration of conscience, doesn’t stop the coal industry from trudging on. And no matter how many times you eat lunch at Chick-fil-a, clicking your proverbial heels, you’re never going to walk back out into a world in which gay people don’t exist.

Moreover, we cannot shop our way to less consumption. We can work to harness our waste, treat our property well so that it lasts as long as possible, and be a bit more discerning about our purchases making wastefulness a part of the criterion used for making ethical decisions while we shop. Still, if our desire is to vote with our money, we’re inevitably going to be forced to sacrifice some values in order to “stand up” for others. Not to mention, we’re going to be out-spent.

That being said, it strikes me as significant that so many companies with merchandise for sale in our country find it acceptable to lie, deceive, and otherwise try to hide the contents of their products from the consumers who buy them. California’s proposition 37 has really brought this issue to fore in recent weeks. With corporate agribusiness exceeding $32 million in dollars spent fighting the initiative that would require genetically engineered foods be listed on product labels and that would forbid such products from being marketed as ‘natural’, one cannot help but shake their head at the state of our food industry. After all, the measure is far from oppressive allowing exemptions for alcoholic beverages, restaurant food, hospital food, and probably even school lunches. Our meat would still be packaged as usual – – no label changes for animals fed GM foods. No label changes for foods whose weight contains .5% or less of GM ingredients either. A rather approachable initiative, if anything I would argue it does too little, not too much.

It is no surprise that Monsanto has taken the lead in opposing this proposition. The bigger surprise is the list of allies Monsanto has found in their information war.

Rights of the consumer aside, people have a right to know what is in their food. We have a right to know what we’re eating, where it comes from, and how it was grown. There is a reason chicken farms don’t let folks stroll in and snap photographs. Its the same reason companies like Conagra, Dean Foods, and General Mills don’t want customers knowing what goes into their organic milk products and ‘natural’ granola bars. They’re not afraid of going out of business, they’re afraid of having to change their business practices.

It is ironic that some on the far right can claim America is not business friendly. With all the corporate outcry against the costs new labeling laws would force upon them, the unaware citizen might be surprised to know that 50 countries around the world already require GMO labeling, including all of Europe, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, India, and China.

Although the new labeling laws won’t go into effect until July 2014, I believe proposition 37 is an important step for our country. If the legislation passes in California, it will likely open up the gates for new labeling laws across the country. So, please, California: vote yes on Proposition 37. Stand up for our right to know.

cyberchondria

Cyberchondria. Have you heard of this?

If you know what webMD is, your probably suffering from it.

Cyberchondria is a term that describes the neurosis that ensues when the average person attempts a self-diagnosis via google or other online sources. Usually the veritable freak out following one’s leisurely stroll through the online realms of possibility is largely unfounded.

Like that time when you had two birthday dinners because your friends wanted to take you out for a cheesecake factory gorge-a-thon but then your mom called you over for a special home cooked meal and you couldn’t say no because its your mom and she made all your favorite things. So it’s 1 am and your chest is cramping and the tightness seems to radiate up your neck and around your back creeping up your shoulders and you’re starting to feel like you’re going to throw up, just maybe, and the pain seems to get more intense no matter how still you sit. Moaning as you crawl across the floor to your computer as if tonight just may be the last night of your life and you might just curl up and die right there. You’re waiting as the browser finally loads your google results and you feel a sudden crushing in your core as your head starts to spin. Heart Attack! Angina! Aortic Dissection! Pleurisy! Pericarditis! Oh God! You click on the first link and all the symptoms seem to describe exactly what you’re feeling and now you really, you just know its the beginning of the end. Lo’ and behold you wake up the next morning, miraculously alive and well, catastrophe averted until the next time you eat a weeks’ worth of meals in the span of 6 hours.

Ahem, anyway. These, uh, neurotic excesses kind of take over me from time to time – – especially with regards to my lady parts. I guess its because the gynecologist is the only doctor I see on a regular basis. Fortunately, I’m rarely under the weather (*knock on wood*) and so the only real opportunities for ‘them to find something’ are at my yearly exams. And I’m telling you, even though they’ve never confirmed my frantic suspicions, I’m always an anxious wreck before hand.

A few years back I was convinced I had endometriosis because I’d been getting weird, unexplained pains in my lower left side toward the front a bit. Anyway, I’d done my google-ing and was just gearing up for the bad news. When it never came I was faced with a dilemma: do I bask in the good news and trust my medical professional or do I ask specifically about what I fear is my affliction? Is this where the law of attraction comes in? If my doctor doesn’t speak its name can I just will it away? I asked. And I was not happy with the response. “Hmm. Well, that is serious but also rather unusual.” Ok. Um, so…

Here I am once again. Awaiting my yearly results. Feeling all emotional and detached and sentimental as if this may be the year I find out I have cancer or something. In the meantime I’m making some ridiculously amazing marshmallow dream bars and loading up on Colbert and Conan reruns. Yes, I declare, laughter is the tonic!

the thing about working retail…

The thing about working retail is… well, you realize people suck.

In the clothing/department store scene one is repeatedly faced with questions about human behavior. Like, why would someone go into a dressing room with 38 different items, proceed to remove each one from its hanger, throw them all up in the air, and then exit the dressing room somehow leaving 42 different items of clothing laying around, some inside out, some on the floor, some bunched up on the bench, etc…? Why would they do that? Or, where is the brat stealing earrings leaving the little cardboard holders stuffed into the mirror edge or in random pants’ pockets around the store? Who are they and can I please have a word with their mother? And, what makes this person think they can return a sweater with stinky pit stains just because the tags are still on it?

In the grocery store scene one cannot help but garner frustration as they find random food items scattered around the store in places they do not belong. Why, why would someone leave a box of popsicles on a random shelf in the cereal isle? Don’t they know count chocula  cannot be trusted near triple rockets? Don’t they know the triple rockets are going to melt? And why is a rotisserie chicken sitting on a shelf of men’s deodorant? Who does this?

At Starbucks there are the people who have an aneurism if left too much room for cream in their coffee or, as the case may be, too little. One must wonder how it is that this young woman can order the same simple drink every single morning, every single week and yet still does not know how to ask for what she wants. Who is it that keeps dumping a gallon of hot liquid into the trash causing the bags to weaken and tear and drool all over the floor? And what cave did this man crawl out of that left him under the impression that Starbucks is a sit-down establishment in which a waitress will take your order, serve you, and finally deliver a bill? Does he not see the line forming at the registers? Does he not understand the movement of the masses starting at the entrance, progressing to the registers, meandering to the hand-off plane, and finally making their way full-circle back to the entrance whereby they leave the premises with drink-in-hand?

Of course, its the one in 300 that truly test the hourly-wage retail worker’s composure. Most of the customers are courteous and pleasant enough. Yet, like a mean insult, that single instance tends to carry as much weight as the 299 others.

For myself, it has only been in the last few months that my patience has really worn thin. Maybe the reserve would deepen a bit if a few days could pass before confronted with the next irritatingly unaware and inconsiderate customer with a chip on their shoulder. But somehow they just keep strolling in, day by day and I’m left with my mother’s voice in the back of my head, “don’t underestimate whats out there loose”.

Loveland Sculpture Invitational, some highlights

Back in August we went to visit my mom for a few days in Colorado. While there, we stumbled upon the Loveland Sculpture Invitational at the sculpture park. And let me tell you, people in Loveland seem to take their statues seriously. All over town, not just in the park, we would find sculptures and statues lurking. We weren’t feeling quite as energetic as usual so we didn’t strike as many poses as we might have otherwise. Still, it was a small dose of deja vu conjuring memories of our first trip together to Seaside, Oregon a few years back.

   

who are you voting for?

With the election nearing one cannot escape the vitriol and ignominy of the campaigns in full swing. From both sides we are thrashed with moral indignation, recounts of political missteps, and chronicles of supposed sordid pasts. The problem for us, the political middle, is we’re the folks looking for compromise not controversy.

In a sensationalized, scandal-driven modern culture in which the inadequacies of Amanda Bynes or Lindsay Lohan behind the wheel are considered top news stories, it is no surprise that the majority of level-headed, calm-tempered Americans find it most comfortable to stay on the fringes of the political mosh pit. The major news networks are succeeding in their quest to make news entertaining to the point that most people take a passive and detached stance on political happenings. This is happening on both sides of the spectrum and as the great majority of Americans just sit back watching the dramedy unfold our political system is being hijacked.

Widespread disinterest in politics is not a new phenomenon all together. So many of us simply have other things to do — we’re busy working, studying, playing with our children, partying, traveling, drinking, cooking, making-out. We’re all busy living our lives and making ends meet. Some believe the system is working for them and therefore need not burden themselves with upkeep. Others believe the system is corrupt, will never work for them, and therefore need not toil fruitlessly. Ultimately, the stark truth is politics are boring.

It takes a special personality to enjoy watching real politics in action. When was the last time you spent an afternoon engrossed in C-SPAN? Sure, 45 minutes of interest is do-able. Maybe it can hold your attention for an hour. Perhaps if it rolls in the background of your daily life it can be tolerated for an extended period. For many though the soap opera antics of the news stations are far preferable to the dry, winded discourse that characterizes Congress or the Senate. After all, Bill O’Reilly or Jon Stewart are sure to get the good parts, right?

Those wishing to participate in the modern American political arena must come ready to fight. Sarah Palin and Sandra Fluke are not the first ones to learn this lesson the hard way. On the left and right the rules are remain the same:

1. If this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight.

2. Fights will go on as long as they have to.

3. Nothing is off limits.
The problem isn’t so much that the fighting is dirty and vicious but rather the fighting ultimately doesn’t result in a clear winner. There is no 3rd party, no neutral bystander, no authority that both sides will recognize. As a ever-expanding wedge is forced between the right and left the ability of our country to adapt and respond to the needs of our country is disappearing. So, in ushers a seeming stalemate in congress, restricted movements for the elected president, and a system in which real discourse is silenced because there are no sanctioned referees.

For instance, while there was nothing stopping Paul Ryan from delivering a convention speech laden with inaccuracies and lies, it should have been unanimously, unwaveringly identified as fallacious and his credibility should have been obliterated. A clear win for the American public, a clear win for democracy, the coverage of his speech should have added wind to the sails of representative government in action. Instead, the spin machine kicked into overdrive as Megyn Kelly and Gretchen Carlson along with a slew of other television personalities championed the speech for the way it humanized Mitt Romney and bolstered the spirit of the convention — a striking choice given the fact that contributors from every news station including FOX was debunking almost every politically relevant claim in the speech.

We see a similar example in the recent efforts to restrict voting in this election. It is bad enough that a subset of the American population believes their vote is worthless following the controversial Bush-Gore election. Now, clearly worried that voting might actually change something, a select group of Republicans are trying to make it illegal. Once again, we see dirty, vicious fighting in which everyone looses. The image of the Republican party is tarnished, minority groups and the urban poor are stripped of one of their most basic political rights, and the more important issues like stabilizing the economy, narrowing the gap between the rich and the poor, and the status of our troops in Afghanistan are left by the wayside. This debate was settled almost a century ago as the 19th amendment filled in the voting-eligibility  gaps left open in years prior. The clear win here should be on the side of democracy — republicans and democrats alike should be rooting for the voice of the American people to be heard.

I believe if a strong, intelligent conservative were given the Republican nomination they would win in a landslide. Unfortunately, the only true conservative in this election is running on the Democratic ticket. Obama has earned his conservative stripes to be sure in his role as commander in chief and in his handling of the stimulus package that heavily benefited big banks and their CEOs. The ironic truth about Mitt Romney is that deep down he is shallow and his running mate is a compulsive liar.

Plato once wrote, “One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors”. Moderate Americans need to start speaking up. We’re seeing Plato’s prophecy come to life in America and the news outlets  don’t have what it takes to negotiate with the clowns holding our system hostage; indeed, they are complicit. Democracy shouldn’t mean the possibility of being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least. But it will not change without the American people, one by one, holding their representatives accountable for their words and deeds.

Obama could not have possibly lived up to the hype and dreams of his supporters following the 2008 election. Even among the more realistic expectations, Obama’s commitment to compromise resulted in a significant degree of dissatisfaction among supporters. However, I believe he was the best candidate running in 2008 and he remains the best candidate in the running now.

The implications of a Romney presidency for our national debt, women’s rights, foreign policy,  healthcare, and for education are enough to secure my support for Obama. In light of recent events, I champion the president all the more. I do not support a man’s delusions of adequacy when he is willing to alienate 47% of the country. I do not condone his efforts to lie to the American people or to circumscribe minority rights. I will not vote for Mitt Romney.

imagination and fiction

So this is it. This is what real life feels like.

Dizzy and nauseous driving down the 105 trying desperately to not run off the road or into the car to my right.  Okay. Maybe not so desperate – affirmations are working. I am okay. I am okay. I am aching and I am okay and I am driving. I can do this. A routinely awkward trip to the gynecologist made all the more unpleasant by a sudden surge of adrenaline, fear, and blood pressure rendering me incapacitated. The room spinning even with closed eyes. The undertow overpowers my consciousness forcing my mind and matter into the swirling rhythm of black tides. “It all looks healthy and more or less normal”, my GYN assures me. Yet I can’t help but worry, but what if its not normal? What if its cancer? Do other people do this? Other normal-not-in-any-way-hypochondriacal-normal-people, of course. Do they do this too?

The events of the day have once again assured me that I will never be a medical professional. Squeamish at the smallest sighting of blood. Rattled hours later by a momentary loss of groundedness. Even the pulsing of a finger when applying pressure to an open wound brings me to the edge of loosing my lunch.

And perhaps this is the failure of the American education system. The inability of basic scientific rationales to assuage my fears or inform my immediate associations. I’ve no qualms about evolution yet I’m deeply suspect of scientific explanations. Sure, you say systane is a breakthrough in comfort technology with no adverse side effects but how can I know I won’t get hooked on the eye drops? I mean really, is it a good idea to get used to comfortably lubricated eyes? My mind is imbued with imagination and fiction so, no. I don’t have a future in the medical profession. And I probably shouldn’t be trusted to teach high school science.

However, it’s not all bad. Beyond the horizon of paranoia and fear my mind opens up to fields of possibility and passion. I can imagine what I’d like to see or do or be in the future and have it sustain me through the winter.

I guess that’s where I am right now. This is it. This is real life? And in real life I am a dreamer, a thinker, a planner, a daughter, a wife, a manager. I want to be something more though, something different. Someday a mother. Yes. But before then… I want to change the last part. In the meantime, a resolution? Let the dreaming persist, amplify the imagination, the optimism, the love but not let it be an opiate. After all, if you’re going to die in a dingy grey room at the gynecologists’ office drowning in a vortex of deep black skies you want to know you did more doing than dreaming and that it made you happy along the way.